Where does it all end?

I have been busy and lazy off late. Reasons for not updating the blog to own self ranged from bummed with work to pathetic lack of creative juices flowing and some more. Life has been a full circle, after years of struggle to just survive and earn a meal has slowly made a place for a doting man , a cozy home and now a sunny car to boot. However the internal music of " I want more" ceases to stop playing!
Sometimes I feel strange at the personal lack of control. When I earned a little less than what I pay my house-help today and not more than 4 years ago, I was still a happy girl. Had a group of friends, a dirty but warm PG room to share with them, the occasional date and the joy within for my new found independence. Today materialistically I own a lot more, in fact marriage has even put me into a safety net of sort where suddenly doing things close to the heart for a living seems a possibility again. At home there are more crockery, at work there is more power , at the party there is more options that can be afforded , but the craving still goes on........
Money and Power are addictive I knew, but I always thought that I had a well read rational mind to take the logical stand and not be affected by the callings of high lifestyle! The partner is a grounded man ; earns more , spends less and yet lives the life of a simple soul with minimum needs and above all is a happy man. He has ambitions for sure , but the way he presents them are like a logical step by step laid out Business plan and not something intrinsically affecting his internal peace and happiness. Probably of all things I am proud of , marrying the dude would take the cherry , and for reasons I just stated.
As I sit in my balcony and the Bangalore breeze sends a sweet chill down the spine why do I immediately start looking forward to how the breeze would feel from a condo on the 25th Floor of a penthouse. and then dream of having one for myself someday. The logical mind says, the breeze might be a little stronger, because of the altitude and that's about it. However, the mind would not stop. Dreaming can still be discounted, what can not is the ego getting more fragile by the day..........and that is so not nice. The mind knows that Kolkata remains a city I would love the most all my life, why then; does a stupid facebook Quiz force an answer which says that I would love to spend my life in Paris? Is it trying to force into an image of someone I am not? Or someone I want to be like?
Sometimes the most difficult reassurance seems telling yourself that you are happy! and believing in the statement from the center of the heart. With the New year approaching that IS just what I want to do. I am happy, I am at a state where I can probably in my own way get few more people to smile . and that in our world makes me a very lucky human being. Let me stop to smell the grasses, to feed the dog down the street, to hug the man I love and laugh till tears roll down at a mindless joke. Let me breathe before I climb the next stretch , and this time let the journey hold more joy than the destination. Let 10 hours at work be 10 hours of doing things I love and not working towards a promotion where I think I will be able to do things I love. Let the house be as warm as it is now, not for a gadget but for the love that went into doing it up as a newly married couple! Let friends still rule the weekends, let the parents never get old and the man stop at this age and state of mind forever. Let there be satisfaction and peace , and the strength of mind to realize the true worth of life and happiness, now and always!