Mother's Day : Confessions, promises and more..........

I have been thinking for the last whole week to write something about " Mamoni". My mother as I fondly call her. However some how just could not .....I had the time, and all the goodwill but somehow was not being able to translate the hundred things that came to my mind the moment I thought about her to an article.My Mamoni , has never been close to me until the last few years. I have alway's been my father's pet and have knowingly distanced myself from her on various occassions. Out of the two worst things I have ever done in life, one would be the not so pleasant behaviour that I subjected her to, all through my adolescence. I used to hate her.I have quarelled with her on every possible thing under the sun during that period." Hate " is too strong a word they say , but I use it still because today I dont want to cover up.She was never the hugging, caring kinds..........and probably that is what made me discount her so much in life and translate her lack of physical warmth to her Love, in whole.However their was a phase in my life where I was in a huge soup, I was physically and mentally broke( More of that later) and when I returned home after a long hiatus, I could not look at my mom. She had paled, and looked sick, just out of the worry, the sheer anxiety of whether I was alright. I felt the guiltiest that I have ever felt during that fleeting moment.That day I understood my mother for the first time in my life. I could fathom, the silent care and love that she has bestowed on me, her first born from the day I ever was. Never failed a duty, never missed a task, I could gauge the effort , the dedication and the selfless involvement this woman had made , just to bring me up and all that in return of being distanced every single time............I could read her so clear, her smiles and her tears, her frail body but strong mind , which had the strength to dedicate her life in entirety to me and my family, and never regret it.
From that day on, I have respected my Mamoni more than anybody else in this world, I know the damage can not be undone, but I also know that I can turn the world upside down today if it is for her.......I tell her everything that is happening with my life every single day, I feel one kind in my stomach if I do not get to talk to her on a particular day. I have grown up to understand, love and respect her. I dream to give you all that I can Mamoni, and I am working towards it. I love you and I am sorry. I wish I could rub those years of misconduct forever from both of our lives. I miss you Mamoni. I miss you everyday in this lonely city, in every small thing I do, every time I win a prize or everytime I lose a chance. You live in me, every day , every time i breathe in and every time I leave the breath.......I love you Mamoni!!I would have never been what I am, in fact never been at all unless you would have wanted me to be. You are why I am what I am!!Happy Mother's Day!!