6 years past...............

sometimes I remember you,
the empty ice cream stall calls for your pocket money.............
the smell of rain swept dust , that i smell alone;
the half empty mug of coffee, the untouched first wine glass still full to the brim...............
the phone sits without a ring all night..........
the meaningless remixes keep playing repeat mode..........


sometimes I miss you,
when the old road, looks so different but still smells the same,
the old book suddenly opens into a page ;
a page, strewn with underlines...............
when mom scolds for long calls, and late night calls,
and forbidden calls...........still
the extra copy of "love story" goes to the old book store...........

sometimes I hate you,
when there is still a tear in the eye,
when ," casablanca" still brews moisture........
"We will always have our calcutta"
the city changed name, face and people............
all because you broke a promise..........

all because first loves are never meant to be.............
all because love was never but the same............
and entrance exams comes only in the spring..........

Mother's Day : Confessions, promises and more..........

I have been thinking for the last whole week to write something about " Mamoni". My mother as I fondly call her. However some how just could not .....I had the time, and all the goodwill but somehow was not being able to translate the hundred things that came to my mind the moment I thought about her to an article.My Mamoni , has never been close to me until the last few years. I have alway's been my father's pet and have knowingly distanced myself from her on various occassions. Out of the two worst things I have ever done in life, one would be the not so pleasant behaviour that I subjected her to, all through my adolescence. I used to hate her.I have quarelled with her on every possible thing under the sun during that period." Hate " is too strong a word they say , but I use it still because today I dont want to cover up.She was never the hugging, caring kinds..........and probably that is what made me discount her so much in life and translate her lack of physical warmth to her Love, in whole.However their was a phase in my life where I was in a huge soup, I was physically and mentally broke( More of that later) and when I returned home after a long hiatus, I could not look at my mom. She had paled, and looked sick, just out of the worry, the sheer anxiety of whether I was alright. I felt the guiltiest that I have ever felt during that fleeting moment.That day I understood my mother for the first time in my life. I could fathom, the silent care and love that she has bestowed on me, her first born from the day I ever was. Never failed a duty, never missed a task, I could gauge the effort , the dedication and the selfless involvement this woman had made , just to bring me up and all that in return of being distanced every single time............I could read her so clear, her smiles and her tears, her frail body but strong mind , which had the strength to dedicate her life in entirety to me and my family, and never regret it.
From that day on, I have respected my Mamoni more than anybody else in this world, I know the damage can not be undone, but I also know that I can turn the world upside down today if it is for her.......I tell her everything that is happening with my life every single day, I feel one kind in my stomach if I do not get to talk to her on a particular day. I have grown up to understand, love and respect her. I dream to give you all that I can Mamoni, and I am working towards it. I love you and I am sorry. I wish I could rub those years of misconduct forever from both of our lives. I miss you Mamoni. I miss you everyday in this lonely city, in every small thing I do, every time I win a prize or everytime I lose a chance. You live in me, every day , every time i breathe in and every time I leave the breath.......I love you Mamoni!!I would have never been what I am, in fact never been at all unless you would have wanted me to be. You are why I am what I am!!Happy Mother's Day!!

Death of Surprise!!

These days every morning the first look at the newspaper opens to us a world of a amazingly desensitized herd called human beings. A man is killed, neighbours discover after a week, a woman is raped, onlookers pass by, a child is murdered ................eye witnesses deny any statement.And we the genteel discuss and read all this and more between sips of tea and bites of toast , complaining all the time " Oh my God, where is this country/world going to?".But how many of us , care to light a lamp for Tibet , or switch off our AC for a full day to save some power , or may be even take half hour out everyday to help the house maid learn A,B ,C.............
An accident on the main road, let me take the other way!! The neighbour girl being teased on road...............why do I care?? she anyways wears "revealing" clothes.I need to be on the top in office, have the best of cars and widest of the plasma, my child needs to go to the best school, and my housing complex should have a lot of greenery and peace. Farmers dieing..............I hope this does not stop the supply of organic rice to the Fab Mall next door, villages swiped of everything with river beds breaking, no food, no medicine, no water to drink...............as long as i go to pizza hut every second friday and get my scotch bottles from friend in the merchant navy , my "ooooooooohs and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahs " would be flowing for all my suffering fellow men.Is this what the system made us to be??Or is it the education ?? or is it just that the evil within ate way the conscience never to spit it out again.........
Surprise and shock are dead. the death has made way for a standard plastic sorrowful expression that stands for everything : mass massacre, child rape, inflation, farmer suicide , divorce next door and is practised by all diligently at breakfast tables with the newspaper in hand and dinner tables with the eye on CNN-IBN................every single day!!